in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize