Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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