planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I yelled at your uterus for you.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
