Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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