the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
