oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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