God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
