we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The air was thick with penises
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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