I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
