dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
