There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
