he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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