it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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