About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
