So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
