He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
