Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
