your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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