When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
