i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
