One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
