While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
