where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
