This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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