Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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