the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
