I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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