dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
