i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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