so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
