dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
what day is it and did you see me today?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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