I think my fart just growled at me.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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