Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
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if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
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Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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