Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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