my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
