Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
