My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
