It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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