What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
