Got a toothbrush?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
