this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
