Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
