can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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