"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
