Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
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She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
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He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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