I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
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