What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
