That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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