Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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