ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
