somebody snuck up and got me drunk
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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