I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
