I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
