why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
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Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
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I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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