do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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