I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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