i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
